'At my darkest moments I wanted to rip my own face off - but now I've found inner peace'

Though the concept of is centuries old, it didn’t hit the mainstream until 2022 when Roxie Nafousi wrote Manifest, her seven-step guide to making our goals and dreams a reality through self-development. She spent just eight weeks writing the at her kitchen table but it sold a million copies across 122 countries and, within two years, “manifest” was Cambridge Dictionary’s word of the year. Now, Roxie is back, and she’s on a new mission – to .

“My work is mirroring my own personal journey,” says Roxie, 34. “I had no confidence and no self-worth and I absolutely loathed myself since I was at least seven years old. Up until two years ago, I don't remember ever having more than two days in a row where I wasn't berating myself. And it was absolutely exhausting.”

That self-loathing led hard-partying socialite Roxie into the dark grip of addiction during her 20s. She hit her lowest ebb when she was pregnant with her son Wolfe, now five (she and Wolfe’s father split two years ago). “I had been an for a decade. And then I found out I was and I had to give everything up overnight. And all the pain I was trying to escape from came rushing out.

“Those 10 months were the worst time of my life. It was my dark night of the soul. I wanted to rip my skin and my face off. I hated myself. I couldn't look in the mirror. I stopped leaving the house for about six months. I would only go down one road in Waterloo because I was sure nobody I knew would ever see me. I was binge eating. I gained over 30 kilos. I hated myself. And I think that was just all my trauma coming up with nowhere to go. But that was also the making of me.”

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Roxie is reluctant to discuss the sources of her misery, saying it was “a lot from my childhood and upbringing… Just a lot. A lot. I’m not surprised I ended up hating myself as much as I did”. But she has spoken openly about the fact that she and her father, who died of in October, had a volatile relationship during her formative years.

“Even when I first discovered manifesting, I hated my dad,” she says now. “I’d never ever got along with him. And I always joke that my dad was very fickle so it was only once I started becoming successful that I became the favourite child. But it was amazing to see him so proud.” She is grateful that she and her father, a wealthy Iraqi businessman, had patched up their relationship before he died. “Even though we miss him so much, he allowed us to feel like he died having lived a happy life. And he was ready and that provided a lot of relief.”

However, in the wake of her traumatic , it was the discovery of manifesting – through a podcast recommended by a friend – that got Roxie’s chaotic life back on track. “Manifesting to me is using the power of your mind to change and create the reality you experience,” she explains. “It’s a self-development practice and it's rooted in self-worth. I created a really clear seven-step guide to manifesting and, when you lay out the seven steps, it becomes so obvious. Of course if I am clear on what I want and I start to believe in myself, and I take actionable steps and I overcome challenges, my life is going to change for the better.”

However, despite Manifest’s runaway success, Roxie continued to battle with low self-worth. She says, for example, that she used to find public speaking or photo shoots “absolute hell… I’d have a because I felt so self-conscious. But eventually, with time, I got more comfortable with it.

“Every time I've done something that I don't want to do but I know it's for a greater good, I feel such a sense of satisfaction and pride afterwards. They're like little building blocks of confidence. It's finding little ways you can push through your comfort zone and do something knowing that if it does work out, it'll be amazing. But also knowing that even if it doesn't, it's OK.”

She describes the process as “a long journey – but then one day I woke up and realised that my inner critic had just quietened. And every single thing in my life was better as a result. Whether that was the boundaries I was setting, the way I felt, the way I was able to walk into parties or rooms feeling myself completely myself and walking out of them without worrying what everyone was thinking of me… It really changed my life in every way.

“There’s an energy I carry now when I walk into the room and I feel like I belong. Before, I always felt a bit uncomfortable wherever I was. I felt like everybody else was better than me and people would be judging me. And now I feel so happy to be wherever I am.”

Inevitably, Roxie still experiences moments of low confidence, but she has developed tools to help her handle those periods, “like using affirmations or changing my perspective… Am I personalising? Am I catastrophising? What biases are at play here, or distortions? If self-doubt is creeping in, then perhaps it's a sign that I need to rest or recharge or build up my mental resilience by taking a walk outside in nature. Those old thought patterns don’t overwhelm me any more.”

This new-found approach has also informed her approach to dating. “I am very single,” she laughs. “Ready for my hot girl summer! But often, when we approach dating, we go into it filled with insecurity. We're really looking for other people to validate us and make us feel enough. And so we can go into a date thinking, ‘Oh God, I hope they like me,” when actually what we should be thinking is, ‘I hope I like them’.”

Life isn’t perfect, Roxie is quick to point out, but she certainly seems to have found inner peace. “I'm so happy just playing cards on the weekend and taking my son to the park. I feel so content and fulfilled.”

Confidence: 8 Steps To Knowing Your Worth by Roxie Nafousi (Yellow Kite), £16.99, is out now

Roxie Nafousi’s eight-step guide to boosting your confidence…

1. MASTER YOUR THOUGHTS

The journey to becoming the most confident and empowered version of yourself comes with mastering your thoughts. The first step was awareness: recognising my inner critic. Replacing the heckler with an inner cheerleader became a powerful antidote to my self-criticism.

2. ACT WITH INTENTION

Carry out a habit audit and replace bad habits with good ones. There’s a powerful connection between our actions and our self-perception. By choosing habits that align with the person we want to become, and cultivating self-discipline, we can transform how we feel.

3. STOP TRYING TO BE LIKED BY EVERYBODY

People aren’t thinking about you as much as you think. And you can’t please all the people all the time. When I realised these truths, I felt like a weight lifted. I felt liberated – because the fear of not being liked stops us from being ourselves.

4. BREAK FREE FROM COMPARISON

Comparison is the thief of confidence. It shifts our focus away from what we have to what we lack. Transform envy into inspiration and start a daily gratitude practise.

5. CELEBRATE YOURSELF

Appreciate who you are and be proud of who you’re becoming. Make peace with your flaws. If we can transform shame into acceptance, we have a foundation from which to build self-love.

6. DO HARD THINGS

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to act despite it. Embrace failure as part of growth. Each time we step into the unknown, we give ourselves the chance to discover something new about what we’re capable of.

7. BE OF SERVICE TO OTHERS

Helping others reminds us that we matter, it cultivates connection, purpose and gratitude, and shows us how valuable we are. The more we lift others, the more we rise ourselves

8. SHOW UP AS YOUR BEST SELF

Acting the part is one of my favourite ways to overcome self-doubt. When you show up confidently, you begin to feel it, and others see it in you too. Confidence will become second nature. This journey isn’t about becoming someone new, it’s about unlearning the self-doubt and peeling back the layers of insecurity.